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angelina rayanne

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damn talkshows.. [19 Jul 2001|11:05pm]
[ mood | irate ]

well since ive been off from work..ive had a lot of time to watch daytime tv..including the infamous talkshows..well ive noticed that these damn talkshows are all about the same thing..man i would love to just be in the audience and speak my damn mind..especially about shows like todays..the praterninty test shows..where the girls come on saying "hes the only guy i was with..he took my virginity" and then the test shows that the guy cant possibly be the father and shes still like "hes the only one i slept with"..dumb bitch we know your not the virgin mary..dumbass..and thats not the worst part..i hate when the guys say "im 100% sure im not the babies father..we only slept together once" duh..what do the spermies not work the first time you sleep with a girl??cause god knows you didnt use a condom..your tto stupid for that if you dont even know that you can get a girl prego on the first try..dumb fuckers..and also the guys suck because they could be with the girl for like 4 years and then when the girl gets prego they all the sudden say "well i heard that you were sleeping with so and so..and your a hoe..so i know the kids not mine..and its not possible..(even if we have been together for 4 years)"fucking retards..a friend of mine made a journal entry with condom slogans..which i really loved..and i just thought to myself why dont people just use them..if your going to fuck everyone..why not protect yourself..or fuck yourself..why not protect society from your stupid dumbass spawn who will prolly have tons of diseases and be a crack baby and have unprotected sex and carry on your lovely fucking name..gosh..too many people are having kids that dont need to be..but i have to disagree with you graveyrdflower..i think abortion is wrong..i think people use it as a means of birth control when the birth control should come first before the sex..i think they should outlaw it and consider it murder..except for if you are raped..i totally understand that..but i think that it should be outlawed..but i think that in order for them to do that they should change the law about having to have 2 kids or have severe female probs before you can get fixed..i think that if more people could get fixed they wouldnt care about the abortions..these people dont really want kids..thats obvious..and i dont like to hear sob stories about how some girl got prego and she just had to have an abortion cause she wasnt ready..well if your not ready for a kid..than either your not ready for sex..or your ready for fucking contraceptives..its that damn simple..and i know what its like..i hated using condoms with my bf(fiance) so we stopped.but im on birth control..and i also know that if i happen to get prego..i am ready to take that responsibility..whether i have a job right now or not..i would get one and take care of mine..and i wouldnt call her a mistake..or even think it..cause it wouldnt be..i am with the man that i love and i know that..so if everyone would just fuck with contraceptives..or wait for love..or not whore around with 20 guys in 1 month..we wouldnt need paternity tests..we would fucking know who the father is..so my advice is to keep 'em closed ladies..or know who your fucking and all of them..

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thoughts by candlelight.. [17 Jul 2001|11:05pm]
[ mood | determined ]

well..this has been a good couple of days..me and my man are doing good..im ok about the not working sitch right now..and im doing good..ive been thinking alot though..about the past..alot of nostaliga..my life isnt what i thought it would be..its nowhere close..but i havent tried..ive slacked and thought that id get what i want because i deserve it not because i worked for it..i was wrong..and now i have to work twice as hard to get there..i look at how my life has been and what i have become..its depressing to an extent..but helping also..because i know now what i have to do..this is a new beggining for me..i have given myself the chance to start over..and before its too late..so in that im lucky..and i feel totally different compared to the last few weeks..im so happy..just thought id update about the genisis..

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my dreams... [16 Jul 2001|10:20pm]
[ mood | awake ]

it was a cool damp day..me, joie, autumn, & summer decided to go rollerblading..during our excursion we ran into a bunch of guys rollerblading as well..while those three were talking to them..among other things..i kept about my merry way..as i went down an alley..humming a tune from stabbing westward..i noticed an old antique store..i went inside after taking my rollerblades off..as sson as i walked in..i heard a crash from outside..as i looked out the window..i saw that a car had hit another car head on..my attention was caught when a young lady said " may i help you?" as i turned, to my amazment the store transformed into a gothic store..i looked at the girl and she was all dressed in black..black cape, black dress, black boots..her makeup and hair were exquisite..as she gazed at me i felt a chill as though i knew her from somewhere.."look around, you might find something that interests you" i began looking..the store was remarkable..it was draped in black velvet curtains..chandeliers..candles were everywhere..to the left of me was a huge gothic book shelf filled with books..i began rummaging through them..and found many that caught my eye..the covers were unbelievable..dark and mysterious..it drew me in..i asked how much they were..the lady replied " theyre yours..no price" i grabbed the books and handed them to her..she bagged them up in a black velvet bag..and led me to another part of the store..this section was full of clothes, candles and incense..i picked out lots of candles and incense that suited my taste..she again bagged them up for me..as i stood breathlessly before my dress..it was long, black with red trim..in a juliet pattern..the lady saw my amazement and took it off the hanger and began unzipping it.."try it on" "its your size..everything is your size" so i slid out of what i was wearing and tried it on..she then handed me these fishnet stockings..i put them on as well..she smiled..and handed me these thigh high black boots..them led me to this full length pewter mirror..and proceeded to take a picture of me..with all the bags of things and everythign i was wearing..the image in the mirror was amazing i was so beautiful.."shall i bag this stuff as well?" i just nodded..she bagged the dress the shoes the mirror everything that i liked..i left the store with bags and bags of goodies..i strapped on the rollerblades..and headed to summer and autumns..since it was pitch black outside..i watched the full moon on my way there..as i got there they all started yelling at me..they were mad cause i left and they thought i was kidnapped..then they saw the bags and wanted to know what i got..when they saw everything they asked how i got the money for it all..i told them that it was free..so they wante to go..well the phone rang and it was nick(bf) he was on his way to pick me up..so i got in my dress and everything to show it off to him..when he pulled up i ran outside to show it off..he gave me a different look than i expected..he asked me where i got it..and all kinds of ubsurd questions..so i told him that if he didnt like it that he had to get over it..(which isnt like me)he then proceeded to tell me that he didnt like it..so i was like "get over it" and he told me that he was going to take me back to the twins..so i was like ok..so i started to take off all the clothes..then my mood changed drastically..and i began apoligizing and told him to take me to his house..so we turned around and got at his house..when we stepped on the porch the phone began to ring..he rushed to open the door and get it..he got to it and to his surprise it was for me..it was the lady from the store..she was tellin me that she had a new shipment in..so i told her i would be right there..so i strapped on the rollerblades and went back..nick was pissed at me but i went anyway..i didnt know it but he was followin me..as i neared the store the sun began to rise..i went into the store and nick stopped outside.."your back" a voice from behind said.."yes wheres the new shipment?" i asked.."right here" and she pointed to the counter..pewter scupltures were the first thing to catch my eye..she bagged them up for me..then i saw edgar allan poe books..tons of them..i grabbed them all..so she bagged those..then again there was a beautiful dress..it was black, ong sleeved,trimmed in red..and had a lifelike emblem of the word evil on the front..on the back were attached these huge black wings..she told me to try it on..so i did..i loved it so she bagged it up..as i went to walk out the door she grabbed my shoulder.."you forgot something" then she handed me an envelope.."whats this?"i asked.."youll see" in reply..so i went outside and as soon as i did..nick grabbed me "where were you?" he asked..and i told him "in the store" and turned around to point..nothing was there..just a lot..dumbfounded he took me to the car..it was there that i remebered about the envelope..so i opened it and inside were pictures..as i began looking through them..i noticed that they were of me and the things i got..and in each picture it looked as if i was missing something..each time something more..until i reached the last picture..i let out a scream..and the pictures suddenly hit the car seat..the top picture revealing a black figure with fluffy black wings and evil along the front...
the end...
thats it..can you imagine having that as a dream..i woke up all confused and lost..thinking i was dead..wierd shit..hmm..give me your opinions..like i said i have already analyzed this with my counciler but id like your opinions..
later

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razorblades and ex's [16 Jul 2001|12:44am]
[ mood | sleepy ]

well where to start off..hmm..for begginners i guess lets start off with the fact that i have been having dreams about the former abusive ex..i have dreams that i cheat on my fiance with him..i dont understand it..it really confuses the shit out of me..i dont think about him or talk about him..i dont even see him for crying out loud..so WTF..and in my dreams hes so different..hes the way that he was when we first met..you know that "im so nice and you are crazy to think that id ever hurt you.."act..whatever..and in my dreams its like i fall for it all over again..WTF..i just dont get it..oh well..i guess i never will..well..i feel wierd again..this no work is really fucking with my head all over again..im having the dreams about killing myself again..you know the ones where im in a warm hot and i slit my wrists with a razorblade and the blood gets so think in the tub that its like paint..again i dont understand these dreams..cause im not thinking about trying to kill myself again..but im having the dreams..dreams are very wierd things..they are hard to understand..i mean what do dreams really mean..i used to believe that dreams were memories from past lives..but i dont believe in past lives..so what could be another explanation..they are just so out there..and i have had some wierd ones..i used to write them down for my counciler..i think i still have one still around here..ill put that on my next update..and let you people decide what you think it means..ive already analyzed that one..but ill let you guys analyze it for me as well..anyhoo..guess im off to more dreams that cant be explained..night to all..

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the most compelling myth of all time.. [14 Jul 2001|06:11pm]
[ mood | content ]

hehe..anyhoo..my brother just asked me a wierd question that i couldnt answer..he asked me " when you burn a cnadle where does the wax go?" he caught me off gaurd so i looked like an idiot..i remember when i was little i asked the oddest questions as well..i once asked my mom if there are as many people in the graveyards as there are on earth..which isnt such a wierd question but for a 5 year old to ask it..it is..well im already three days into my book and i have writers block..hmm..its from being in this house so long..im getting stir crazy..but damn im getting buff from being able to excercise all the time..i am going to miss that when i go to work..cause then ill have to sit in a chair all day..i dont enjoy sitting..oh well..its saturday night and i have nowhere to go..my man still isnt off of work and wont be until 8 then he wont get home until 9 then hell go to bed and get up at 3 to do it all again tomorrow..but i get to see him tomorrow cause he gets off at 3..yea!!!its about time..i saw him last night cause he stayed the night but he just came over and fell asleep..so there wasnt much time to "see" him..and he kept me up all night smacking me in his sleep..i dont know if i can marry him..we might just have to get seperate beds..he hogs the blankets and hes like a damn funace always scooching up against my butt and making me burn up..then when he finally does move he hogs the bed and smacks me..then when i smack him back he makes a "hmmmuph" noise..then rolls back over..he so gets on my nerves..but hes so cute when he does..most people look at us like were wierd..especially my best friend..she says that he should dump me cause i always call him bitch..but we play around like that..he knows i dont mean it..its just playful..but he wouldnt dare call me bitch..he knows id kik his ass..hehe..hmm..well i guess that is it for now..until later..

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where to start.??? [14 Jul 2001|01:05pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

hmm..not much has happened here lately..still been painting..almost through with the mural..yea!!and it kiks ass..of course..im starting a book..its about serial killers..its called chronicles of a hunter..i love criminal profiling and love to read about serial killers ao i figured id turn my obsession into art..ill prolly be posting excerpts onto my website soon..just to get opinions..heh..i bet people think im crazy..oh well..im happy so..anyhoo..i finally finished my Real World ap..but now i have to do the video..more grueling fun..oh well..its going to be fun if i make it..but ill feel like i wasted a whole bunch of time if i dont..hmm..anyways..i guess thats it for now..maybe something exciting will happen today..ill update later..

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what was in gods head.. [12 Jul 2001|03:37pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

well..i was recently inspired by a fellow livejournaler..revderek..to write a journal about my thoughts..so here goes..i wonder what was in gods head when he created man and woman..really? i mean we are so opposite..men are mainly self-centered..they are only worried about their problems and when they've had a bad day they think that noone elses day was as bad..im not saying this about all men..but the majority..and woman are more worried about how their mens day was and they tend to put their problems on hold more..whether its for their children, their bfs, their husbands, or even employees..and i was telling my bf that after him im seriously going straight lesbian..i dont want another man..women know women..and noone really knows a man..but another man..thats why im not understanding gos philosophy on this matter..i mean obviously men are more compatable with men and women with women..were more emotional and caring..where as men are more self-centered and egotistical..the only way we fit, really, is the "plumbing"..seiously, i just dont understand it..but i guess its not for me to understand..but oh well..i guess that my thought for the day..feedback would be nice..especially you..revderek..

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blah blah blah.. [10 Jul 2001|04:39pm]
[ mood | artistic ]

today has been blah..not too much has happened..i got this shit in the mail about a pill that makes you lose weight without even dieting or excercising..yeah right..and its only $100 a bottle..yeah right..id rather be not so happy with my body and have money..thank you..i swear people will buy into anything these days..oh well..i have been working on some art and i can say its coming along great..i wish i could scan sdome and put them on my web page..but hmm..oh well..and yes i know ive been asked if i fight alot with girls..i really dont..but i did get into a confrontation again yesterday..when i went out..this one girl kept giving me dirty looks..and so i politely asked her what she was looking at..because i didnt want to jump to conclusions if she was looking behind me, right? so she just rolls her eyes..which was ok..but when my bf walked by she was all nice nice to him..so this pissed me off..but im glad to say that i just blew her off and grabbed my mans ass and walked off..with her eyes glued to me in envy..hehehe..funny shit..anyhoo..i guess thats it for now..hopefully some life altering thing might inspire me to update again today..who knows..til then..

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blah..blah..blah.. [09 Jul 2001|10:35pm]
[ mood | amused ]

well anyways..tonight was kinda funny..i went with the bf..to the movies to see scary movie 2..and anyhoo..we got in his car and i was like hey your car smells good..and before i even got the words out of my mouth he was fucking farted..it was fucking hilarious..and we laughed for about an hour..it just was so on cue it was fucking funny...anyhoo..enough about gas i guess ill go..night night

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damn..people.. [09 Jul 2001|03:33pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

man people surprise the shit out of me sometimes..hmm..today was alright i guess...i started some shit with this stupid bitch at the mall..actually i didnt start it..she did but i finished it..fucking skanch..i was walking and she was in front of me and she just stopped right in the way and started talking to her friends and i couldnt get around..so i go "excuse me..do you think you can move and let people get around you?" and she was like "do what?" wtf..so i repeated myself in a condescending tone..and she turned around and started talking to her friends like i wasnt even there..so i tapped her shoulder abruptly and go "excuse me, but can you move your fucking skank-ass self out of the way..or do i need to move you myself??" and she goes.."excuse me?" so i just ran her ass over..and stepped right on her fucking shoes and said "never fucking mind..you fucking dumb ass whore.." and she was all mouthing about it with her friends..whatever...man people get on my nerves sometime...grrrr....anyhoo...i guess thats it for now..

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my entrance into the great lj.. [09 Jul 2001|12:39am]
[ mood | amused ]

heh..anyhoo..yeah this is kewl shit..im a newbie..and i have no friends..:(
someone needs to message me cause im kewl..
not much has happened here lately..i went clubbing..it was fun..yea..i went and saw scary movie 2..got in a fight with a girl..which was kewl..and thats about it...i havent eaten in the last few days either...

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